I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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