I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
