Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
