Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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