i already hear my dad disowning me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
