ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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