I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
