Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
