For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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