I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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