I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
