My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
