Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
