yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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