Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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