U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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