I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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