The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
