Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
