I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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