I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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