help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
