I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
