I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
