somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
