my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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