I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
