Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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