yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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