I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
