when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
