Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
