Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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