She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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