at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
