drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
