i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
