after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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