Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
