I just made out with a guy for $7.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
