1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
