I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
