so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
