I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
