So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
