Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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