dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
