Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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