Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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