I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
