So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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