please come you make the beer taste better
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
