Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
