I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
