I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
